Why we at Time Magazine named Cthulhu, the Old One Who Whispers in Darkness, “Person of the Year”

by Ed’Ward FelSen’thal, Time Magazine Editor-in-Chief

The selection process for our annual “Person of the Year” issue is always a balancing act. In a world with over 7 billion people (and countless eldritch horrors whose visages bring men to madness), no one individual can ever truly embody the pioneering vision bestowed by that title.

Since announcing Cthulhu as this year’s recipient of the honor, readers have been asking questions like, “Why pick a monster of vaguely anthropoid outline whose cultish followers yearn for the chaos of his rebirth?” and, “Cthulhu hasn’t actually done anything noteworthy beyond hoarding the souls of man in his underwater chasm.” We understand that not everyone will agree with our decision, but since His Great Darkness has been delivering psychic messages to our entire staff and placing us in his thrall, we felt it was the obvious choice. ‘Cthulhu fhtagn’ and such. You get it.

In any case, Cthulhu has had an undeniable influence on the world of man this year. Who can forget the time he hosted Saturday Night Live with musical guest Idh-yaa, who only swallowed half the audience into her great maw?

Sure, his every whisper stirs men to abandon laws and morals, to shout and kill and revel in joy, but have you seen some of the memes he telepathically delivers to his worshippers? You gotta admit, the Elder Thing has a sense of humor!

It’s not just a quirky personality Cthulhu brings to the table. He is pushing our society forward with his eco-friendly line of howling squid-demons that grip people by the face and fly them off into the deep ether.

Plus, we just think the prehistoric, ocean-dwelling horror has some good ideas about crypto.